so, melodrama has subsided. today i just feel fried and headachey. and it hurts a bit too. i promise not to turn this into a daily report on my maladies - there's probably some grandparent that you'd rather talk about that with.
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i got married 14 years ago today.
not to k, though, unfortunately. he wouldn't come to the wedding (though he was invited). i wish he had come and pulled a john cusack with a boom box from the balcony of holy communion. that would have been awesome and i totally would have hauled ass out the back door hoping to meet him in the parking lot.
i knew i was fucking up, but i really didn't think i could get out of it. it was a fairy tale extravaganza of a wedding - i had my dream dress with a twenty foot antique belgian lace train, beautiful flowers - gardenias and white roses, a huge cake with a fountain in it (though the cake table was placed in front of one of those HORRIBLE lattice panels with FAKE FERNS woven in - can you tell i'm still pissed about that?), and about 1,000 guests. and it was so wrong. wrong, wrong wrong. the worst thing is that i knew it.
but, all's well that ends well, right? not that the marriage ended well (i was a total bitch, calling him in nashville from memphis at 3 in the morning to tell him i wanted a divorce after having promised him that we were only temporarily separating), but it did end for the best.
but the end, end - the now - couldn't really have happend any other way. and i wouldn't trade it for anything.
so, happy anniversary J. i'm sorry i hurt you. i so hope you're happy and well. i wish we could be friends.
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6 comments:
Great blog. Thanks for linking me.
Todd Vodka
www.blithelywego.blogspot.com
can i just say that i love your blog?!
k, so i said it.
congratulations on what was probably the best decision that you ever made. that's a big "AMEN!" to women's intuition.
i love your blog too. your wish to j made me smile. sadpunk & i hope to hang with you & k soon. kisses.
thanks, y'all!
After many, many years I called one of my exes...I dumped him on the phone, too. He was living in LR, and I was still in Memphis. He stayed in LR, and his life has turned out much happier than it would have had we stayed together. Hopefully, it's turned out well for yours, too.
I'm thinking about you, and sending love to you tomorrow.
xox
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